Am I a virgin?

This is one of the most common questions I’m asked. Mostly just like this.

Sometimes there's additional information, from men and women, such as:

 “I broke my hymen accidentally. Is that why I didn’t feel anything and I didn’t bleed which is a well known side-effect of virginity?”

“It didn’t hurt, am I a virgin?”

“My girlfriend feels smooth inside. I don’t believe her when she says no other man’s been there before me”

“Please can you tell me how to check my future wife is pure?”

“I was told after my first time I’d feel completely different and experience a life-changing moment. But I didn’t feel anything”.

Alternatively people worry about whether to let another person ‘take’, ‘break’, ‘have’ or ‘get’ their virginity. Whether to ‘save their virginity’ for someone special and/or marriage. Or fret they ‘gave their virginity’ to someone underserving.

What is virginity?

My advice to everyone is read these wise words from Scarleteen:

“The way to check if you're still a virgin is to ask yourself how you define virginity, and see if or how your definition matches up with your experiences. In other words, there is NO … physical way to determine if someone is a virgin, because virginity is an idea, not a medical or physical condition” .

What is your personal definition of virginity? Most of us might guess it means the first time someone has penis in vagina (penetrative) sex.

I hear from people saying things like “I’m a virgin, but I’ve had oral sex” or “I do anal so I’m still unbroken for marriage”. Or being confused about whether being sexual is compatible with being virginal.

'You cannot tell if someone has had sex or not based on any physical examination or how they look or act.'