Many are quick to judge and even condemn those who engage in BDSM. Some go so far as to deem it as "wrong," "abusive," "immoral" or even "sick." But before you start shaking your moralistic head in disgust and disapproval, I pose this question to you:

Have you ever done (or had done to you) any of the following during a sexual encounter?

1. Pulled your partner's hair
2. Slapped or smacked your lover on the butt
3. Bitten your lover's neck or other body parts
4. Played roughly or aggressively in bed
5. Used force or domination
6. Played out a fantasy involving a specific role or scenario
7. Placed your hands around your partner's neck
8. Blindfold your lover
9. Physically restrained your partner
10. Tied up your lover
11. Performed degrading acts upon your partner
12. Commanded your partner to perform a humiliating act
13. Instructed your partner to perform sexual acts on you
14. Called your lover degrading or humiliating names

If you answered yes to any of the above, you have in fact ventured into the wonderful world of kink, aka BDSM. Here's what the enigmatic acronym actually means:

B & D Stands For Bondage and Discipline (B&D)

Bondage is about using restraints in order to heighten sexual pleasure, whereas discipline is about issuing instructions, rules, or punishments to control or reward behavior within the context of sex. Bondage can manifest in the form of anything from simply pinning a partner's hands behind their back in order to physically restrict their movement, to novelty pink fluffy handcuffs, to elaborate arm-binders, and Shibari (the ancient Japanese art of rope bondage).

Discipline can involve physical punishment by use of devices such as leather whips and paddles or wooden canes, to psychological punishment such as not being allowed to orgasm, or being denied sex — to behavioral punishment such as having to perform specific sexual or nonsexual acts, to writing lines on a novelty blackboard, or may just be a set of rules stipulating conduct requirements.

Bondage and discipline may occur as a mild form of foreplay which could take place hours or days before any kinky sex transpires, a prelude to having conventional sex, or simply as an activity independent of sexual activity. 

D & S Stands for Domination and Submission (D/s)

Of the three concepts within the umbrella term of BDSM, domination, and submission are the most primarily emotional, with some couples partaking in D/s having no actual physical interaction whatsoever and may not ever meet in person. Although many D/s relationships also involve elements of B&D and S&M when the dynamic is physical, some D/s practitioners play out their dynamic from a long distance via phone or Skype, chat or email or other virtual platforms.

Often considered the most formal and ritualistic of the BDSM constituents, D/s relationships have a tendency to be the most enduring of the BDSM practices in the long-term.

Have you ever acted out a sexual fantasy in bed involving you and your partner adopting certain roles like high-class escort and client, naughty school student and strict principal etc? This is sexual role playing, a form of D/s centralized on the concept of power exchange.

Manifesting on a spectrum of mild to severe, this power play may take shape as a principal keeping a student in line, or far more intense forms which include the element of psychological or emotional abuse, humiliation or violation. Conversely, the D/s dynamic can involve the dominant god/goddess partner being worshiped by their unworthy and servile slave or submissive.

S & M Stands For Sadism and Masochism (S&M)

The term originated from the names of two European sexually explorative writers Marquis de Sade (sadism) and Leopold von Sacher-Masoch (masochism), who both extensively documented how sexual pleasure could be discovered in the issuing and receiving of pain as a form of sexual expression.

S&M is often depicted in films and is the most commonly media-portrayed concept within the BDSM arena, and involves whips, chains, paddles, canes, belts and even hot candle wax. It also includes physical markings of the session from love bites, to bruises and welts, to lacerations and injuries to the skin at an extreme level.

While S&M can include torture, humiliation, degradation or violation of a psychological or emotional nature, S&M is primarily the most physical of the three spheres of BDSM. Physical S&M may involve a specific act such as torture of the testicles, penis or nipples or a broad range of activities such as spanking, whipping, or staged acts aimed to mimic actual forms of torture or abuse.

S&M may be an element of role-playing performed in conjunction with either B&D or D/s dynamics to precipitate emotional power play, or could simply be an addition to your usual sexual repertoire which you perform because you enjoy rough sex or a bit of pain, for example.

Within the context of the BDSM culture, S&M is independent of sexually violent or abusive acts because both partners are consenting, and negotiate and agree upon the level of pain being administered prior to participation.

This article was originally published at Suite . Reprinted with permission from the author.