We often say, "I didn't see the breakup coming", even when the end is approaching like a raging bull in a neon green shirt and honking an air horn. Other times, they truly do appear out of nowhere; everything was fine, until suddenly ... it wasn't.

No matter how a breakup comes about, they usually have something in common — secret reasons your ex is likely hiding — secrets that keep him from fully expressing how he feels.

You may think: "No way ... this isn't the case. Not my guy!" Your man was sensitive, open, and cried at the movies. Yet, almost all men struggle with similar relationship issues, which can confuse them and cause them to bolt.

Understanding what these relationship issues are can help you get over a bad breakup ... or possibly help you get your ex back.

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Here are the three reasons why men leave good women:

1. He felt pressured and inadequate.

Were you constantly chasing him? Did you want more love, affection, or sex then what he was doling out? Did you feel like you were frequently trying to "fix" things in the relationship?

If you can identify with any of these, there was definitely an imbalance in your relationship, and more than likely he felt pressured and inadequate in your presence. It's important for you to know his feelings of inadequacy are not your fault.

Most men run from emotional pressure like they're running for their lives (because, in their minds, they are running for their lives). Emotional pressure challenges the underdeveloped part of a man's masculinity and makes him feel ill-equipped to deal. In his mind, he feels like anything he does isn't (and never will be) good enough for you.

Naturally, feelings of unresolvable inadequacy causes men to shut down and lock their hearts up like Fort Knox rather than deal with any more feelings of pressure or inadequacy.

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2. Your relationship felt competitive.

If a man has to compete for control of the relationship, he can feel inadequate as though there's no place for him in the relationship.

Keep this in mind: it's very important.

This isn't to say a man should control the entire relationship, that's unfair to both parties. Rather, a successful relationship has complementary forces where each person relinquishes control in certain areas. If balance doesn't happen, both parties end up in competition. They compete to win, and the relationship loses. This dynamic shows up in scenarios like:

• A social context with friends. Do the two of you get into arguments about who was "right" in front of friends?
• Financially, who is the bread winner? Did you make more money than him? More importantly, was it ever brought up in a way to emasculate him?
• Relationally, did you constantly make the decisions in the relationship? Where to eat, what fun things to do, or what movies to attend?

If he felt like you were against him instead of for him, he probably never felt fully capable of opening his heart. He was afraid of losing the game and getting hurt.

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3. He didn't feel respected.

A man can't build a life with a woman who doesn't respect him. His partner has to have his back above and beyond anyone else — he must know in his weakest moment, she will shower him with acceptance. Because, you see, here is the hidden truth about your value: You are the key to his greatness.

In order for him to unlock all he has within him, including his tenderness and willingness to commit,he needs a deep and underlying foundation of respect.

With a high caliber woman by his side, he can take greater risks in life and actually experience more freedom than ever possible by himself.

Now that you know the reasons why he left, how do you start to get him back? It's time to reflect and begin to take immediate action to rectify the situation if you still truly love him. Once you know how to breakthrough his defenses and touch the deepest part of his heart, he'll feel an overwhelming calm and trust you truly (finally) get him.

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Clayton Olson is an international relationship coach, author, and speaker. He delivers private virtual coaching sessions and leads online group workshops for both women and men.