We all go through ups and downs in a long-term relationship — I'm no exception to this rule. One thing I’ve noticed in my own relationship, as well as in my clients, is that there can be a phase in which your husband, boyfriend, or partner is no longer initiating sex with you. 

You may be thinking, “I’m not sexy anymore,” “He doesn’t think I’m sexy,” or, “He’s not attracted to me anymore.” You're all up in your head spinning around a hundred different stories. You might even feel a little resentful or hurt for him not touching you passionately like he used to.

Here are 4 real-life reasons why he stopped initiating sex:

1. He's protecting himself from getting his own feelings hurt.

Weird, isn’t this one of the reasons you don’t initiate either? If you consistently deny him, he's not going to want to be turned down anymore — he's protecting his feelings.

2. He's worried about you.

Maybe have been experiencing pain during sex and had to stop him. He feels like he was hurting you and of course he doesn’t want to do that, so in an attempt to protect you he's not pushing the matter. He probably thinks you'll initiate when you feel ready.

3. He is insecure and unsure.

Behind his tough, confident, manly front he doesn’t exactly know what to do in order to please you (perhaps you haven’t told him exactly how to do that?) He might be thinking that he can’t make you feel good, that he doesn’t have the moves or looks anymore, or that you aren’t as attracted to him.

These are tricky situations that can turn into a vicious cycle, but it doesn’t have to. You can have the sex life (and life) you desire simply by communicating what you enjoy during sex. Don't be afraid to help him out. 

4. He is super stressed or exhausted.

It isn’t always about you. I know it's hard to believe sometimes, but he could just be really drained from outside circumstances such as work, a health situation, situations with family or friends that are emotionally draining. It has happened to all of us at different times, and he's no exception.

This article was originally published at ?. Reprinted with permission from the author.