Do you feel as though you are trapped with someone who suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder? What I mean by “trapped” is that the other person claims they don’t have a problem and that in fact YOU are the problem and they demand certain things from you.

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BPD could be the elephant in the room that no one understands how to identify, which can make you like you are losing your mind — like you’re being put in a blender on a daily basis.

Here are 4 ways you can identify if your partner might be suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder:

1. They have a new demand from you every day

It might be a demand on your time, your energy, even your thoughts—anything that happens to do with you because remember, you are the problem, right? And you may want to do what they ask to make them happy and to hopefully have a successful relationship. Does it work? Maybe for a short while, but then they have another demand.

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2. Sex is a currency

Sex becomes this amazing currency where they can get whatever they want. Sex becomes a commodity, and often the sex is pretty good. But even if the sex is amazing, the problem is you’re trying to find a connection with your partner, and when you’re actually having sex you feel as though you are connecting. This can make sex even more addictive because it’s when you feel like you’re loved even though it isn’t really the connection you are looking for.

3. They often act as though they’re holding all the cards

They’re in charge and you have to listen to whatever they want. It’s funny because when you don’t have BPD and you’re with someone with BPD, you look at them and you start to brainwash yourself into thinking that what they are saying or doing is correct and that they do hold all the cards. But to some degree, they are in control because deep down you know the relationship isn’t working out but you’re still holding on.

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4. They demand that you separate yourself from other people in your life

They may tell you that your parents or friends are bad people, and they can’t talk to them. They may complain that your child makes them edgy and they can’t be around your child anymore. Then they tell you that you have to tell your parents not to come over, or tell your child to stay away from them. You know that’s not what you want to do, but you still want to try to please them.

Last but not least, realize if they aren’t willing to get help or even recognize that they have a problem, you can’t help them.

Often times we want to be the savior and save someone from hurting or hitting rock bottom. But you can’t save someone when you’re drowning. You can love them, but is that love really requited?

You have to love yourself enough to save yourself first. You have to understand that you wouldn’t accept that kind of behavior from someone if you really loved them. If you really love yourself you may have to love them from a distance and realize that it’s OK to have to cut ties if it’s in order to help yourself when the other person refuses to get help.

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Ashley Berges is a nationally syndicated radio show personality, author of The 10-Day Challenge to Live Your True Life, host of The Celebrity Perspective on Amazon Prime, speaker, mentor, and Live Your True Life Coach.

This article was originally published at The Good Men Project. Reprinted with permission from the author.