A female colleague of mine keeps describing herself, quite proudly, as a slut, and bragging about all no-strings-attached sex she has with guys ... but then desperately tries to make each of those guys her boyfriend and gets hurt. Here's why that method isn't working.

Dear girl that works in my office that describes herself as a slut,

No, you're not a slut. Stop saying that.

I think that however you want to live your life, as long as it's not hurting anyone else, is fine: go for it! When it comes to slut shaming, it's a horrible thing to try to make someone feel ashamed for their choices. If a girl or guy wants to have a certain type of sex life, then let them. If you don't like it, then just don't sleep with those people. As long as they're neither hurting nor deceiving anyone, then let them do their thing. It doesn't matter.

(Side note: I'm not slut shaming this girl. I'm also not virgin shaming anyone else. When it comes to sex, have as much or as little as you want. I am ok with dumb shaming though, which I think is fine. People can be promiscuous if they want, but they shouldn't be dumb. Dumb shaming is just fine. If a girl sleeps with a guy that she finds attractive even though she doesn't want to marry him, she shouldn't be shamed. Someone that's walking around in public looking down at their phone instead of where they're going and walks into a wall? Yes, that person should be shamed.)

So once again, back to my point, which is my female coworker: you're not a slut. But you're having sex in a dumb way, if that makes sense. You go out and pretend to be a self-proclaimed slut, just to get guys to pay attention to you. Which, if that was all you were looking for, would be a great plan. If all you wanted out of these guys was to get them to pay for your drinks, then this would be a great plan. I'd say "you go girl" and high five you.

The problem is, you tell guys that you aren't looking for a boyfriend, just some fun, and then get mad at them when they don't want to be your boyfriend. Which I think is totally unfair.

People always say that guys are just looking for sex. Which is true, we enjoy sex, and we don't need a firm commitment that a sexual partner will want to get dinner with us tomorrow. We'll still have sex with you. But most guys are also not monsters. We're not going to sleep with a girl who's looking for a boyfriend if we don't want to be her boyfriend.

So please stop lying to guys and then getting mad at them for believing that you're who you represent yourself as. There's nothing wrong with wanting a boyfriend. Just stop trying to trick guys into being your boyfriend. That's a terrible plan. There's nothing wrong with anybody who's just looking for casual sex, guy or girl. People like that tend to not want to be in relationships though.

You're clearly looking for a boyfriend, because you're always upset that some guy isn't trying to be one or you're complaining about being single. So change your tactic. Present yourself as someone who's looking for a boyfriend. What you're doing now is like you're fishing with the wrong bait. Of course all you're catching are fish that don't want to meet your parents.

Look, it's your life, do what you want to do. Just be honest with yourself. Or stop complaining about it at the office. That's all I really want.

Sincerely,

Your friend Mike