Never one to mince words, chef, model, and mom Chrissy Teigen recently opened up about exactly when she realized she was locked in a battle against postpartum depression. Interestingly, the mother of two figured it was time to get some help when she stopped wanting to cook and eat after the birth of her first daughter.

It’s hard to not be devastated when a personal issue leaves you feeling joyless in the face of something you love doing, and food is Teigen’s bread and butter.

“I started looking at food and was like, ‘I’m just not in the mood.’ It’s like going to the grocery store when you’re full. You just don’t want the same things. Food wasn’t that thrilling for me. That was one of the first times I knew something was wrong.”

What’s worse is that cooking isn’t just Teigen’s hobby, but part of her livelihood too. As she tried to come up with recipes for her cookbook Cravings: Hungry For More, the mom realized that her passion for the culinary arts had simply devolved into rote drudgery.

“When I wasn’t feeling great, being in the kitchen was like torture. It felt like such a job, and you want to be excited when you’re in the kitchen,” she shared with People. “I cook because I love food and I love to eat. It makes me happy to serve people. And when you aren’t feeling that way, it was like torture.”

Teigen is far from alone in this. It’s not uncommon for women suffering from postpartum depression to suffer from a total loss of appetite. Fortunately, she took what was happening to her super seriously and was placed on antidepressants for a time. A few years later when it came time to have her second son Miles, the mom took no chances and even ate her placenta, something many believe can stave off postpartum depression.

This article was originally published on Oct. 1, 2018