Do Men Think Groping Is Sexual Harassment? 10 Honest Guys Reveal What They Think
David Craig With men all over the news lately being held accountable for their treatment of women — be it groping, sexual assault, cat-calling, or harassment — it starts to feel like it's just the way all men are.
Do guys just not respect women? Or do they think the way they treat us is acceptable? Do men think groping is sexual harassment? Or do they think it's acceptable behavior?
We want to believe the guys in our lives are different, so we asked them whether or not they think what guys are doing is okay. And thank goodness for us, the answer appears to be a resounding "no." However, there seem to be a few men who just don't get it.
Here's where the others weighed in.
1. Some guys just don't get it.
"After my divorce, a girlfriend (now former girlfriend, but an attractive, smart woman) shared with me that she had to leave two jobs because her bosses had made serious sexual advances, and in both cases she went to management (she was in senior staff or management roles in both companies). She understood the environments and tended to ignore more 'innocent' things like occasional dirty jokes, guys suggesting she have a drink with them, or compliments bordering on advances (these things happened frequently to an attractive woman), as opposed to the more serious things that needed immediate action, like being thrown on the desk (which her one boss did, and admitted it when she reported him, but gave a glowing recommendation to her new employer!)."
RELATED: A Man Reveals The Harsh Truth: What Catcalling Really Means
2. If someone is making you uncomfortable, it's not okay.
"I've had female co-workers complain about a sleazy business associate (at our partner company) who was always hitting on them. That guy was notorious for that, and most of us, men included, tended to avoid him, but my boss should have said something to him (it wasn't my place to do so then). Most women in business have seen that and ignored it, but if it is persistent and makes the woman uncomfortable, then it must stop. I understand that situations can make reporting that difficult."
3. Men need to stop being so damn offensive.
"As a single man, there aren't a lot of single guys I want to hang out with, and I'm frequently embarrassed by how other men treat women. Too many men are just stupid, but they can be encouraged by too many women being happy with any compliment, even if expressed in an inappropriate way. If a girl is walking down the street, what female with half an ounce of self-respect would like being whistled at or hearing some lewd comment? None that I know of would be attracted by that."
4. Many women also seem to victim-blame.
"Most men I know are respectful of women. I choose not to hang out with the ones who aren't. My current girlfriend runs a consulting company, is confident and attractive, and can actually work well with male clients who are interested in her sexually. But she is good at what she does, and she's consistent in her behavior. She jokes with the men, puts them in their place when necessary, and doesn't cross the line. She thinks more women should 'suck it up' and I think she feels many of the current complaints are presented by women who are partially to blame.
For instance, you don't need to sit there and watch someone masturbate. If someone made you feel uncomfortable 30 years ago when you were an adult and worked for them or wanted their favor, then you should have said something then, not now. Being one of ten or twenty coming forward today makes you part of the problem, perhaps as much as the ones who remain silent. If you were a kid or were touched, then that's different, and is a big problem and should be reported."
5. Men take "innocent" too far.
"Here is something I find that differs between men and women: If engaged in a great conversation, sometimes the man can feel the woman is attracted to him, while the woman just enjoys the conversation. Sometimes it is a mutual attraction. My ex-wife came back from a regional team business trip (in the 1990s) and shared that she was having this great conversation with a guy that worked for her company, and at the end of the night he asked if she wanted to come to his room. She was offended, and couldn't believe it, but I could understand where the guy was coming from.
Smart is sexy, just as physically attractive is sexy. I'd be interested in hearing what more women think. In summary, I think the 'innocent' stuff is too prevalent and should be reduced or stopped, but is a workplace situation that savvy women usually can navigate. It's tougher in smaller companies. If retaining your job or financial remuneration is at risk, then it's time to document things and go to management with evidence."
"Does it count if I'm doing it to my wife? Honestly, I love to smack her ass or randomly grab her boobs because it's just a token of my love and affection for her. It's not meant with any disrespect or a desire to feel less than or my property. Sometimes, I just really want to feel my wife's ass in my hands."
