By Brittany Christopoulos

They broke your heart. I get it. I’ve been there: The restless nights where all you can do is think of them. The countless flashbacks brought by random moments throughout the day.

And the worst of all, the moment when your heart drops to your stomach because you are so upset by what you’re going through and that you won’t love again.

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See, it’s hard to love again when your heart has been broken. And it’s hard to love again after they did what they said they would never do.

I know it might not feel like it, but loving again is possible, and a better relationship is out there.

You need to start picking up the broken pieces of your heart and heal despite having your pride in the way.

If you don’t let the healing process begin, you will never be able to move forward.

Acknowledge your pain. Admit to yourself that the person hurt you: Through their words, their actions, the breakup — everything. Say it out loud when you reflect on it. “That hurt.”

Without doing this, you’ll never be able to fully move on because that hidden resentment will always be there.

It sucks when you want to be a heartless person, but you’re not one. It’s okay to do a deep dive and reflect on everything you went through and are currently going through.

It’s important to remember that a healthy relationship doesn’t drag you down. Instead, it inspires you to do better. And the right person will bring that out of you.

Of course, this won’t happen overnight, but your change will be gradual and beautiful.

You deserve to be loved and chosen, not almost loved or almost chosen.

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Your partner should never wonder whether they want to be with you. And you should never have to constantly question their intentions. Someone who wants to be with you will show you that through their actions.

Don’t give up on finding the love you deserve. The moment you give up is when you shut the door in the face of any opportunity coming your way.

Many people may break your heart, but you won’t find your soulmate if you stop looking. Just because you fail once or twice doesn’t mean you will fail every time.

Every failed relationship is a lesson. It allows you to discover what you want and don’t want in a partner, all the non-negotiable qualities, and how you wish to be treated or valued. You will also learn how to love yourself again.

Your peace will be your priority and the lessons learned while reflecting will help you.

Validation may satisfy you temporarily, but it will never soothe your soul. Compliments may put a smile on your face, and having a group of supportive loved ones may help you feel empowered.

But no amount of validation from others can heal or enhance you.

So instead, search for yourself and your identity, and make sure to address your voids and fill them with forgiveness, love, and understanding that you truly deserve the things you’ve dreamed of.

I get that all of this is hard to deal with and that you may not have the emotional energy to deep dive to this extent. And you don’t have to do it right away or within a specific time. Do it at your leisure and when you have the strength.

It won’t disappoint you; it will inspire you and help you grow to find the love you’ve been craving.

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Brittany Christopoulos is a writer, journalist and fill-in TV co-host. She's a Senior Writer and Head of Trending News for Unwritten. Follow her on Twitter.

This article was originally published at Unwritten. Reprinted with permission from the author.