Fumi Abe Will Not Be Handing Out Business Cards

This week, we’re highlighting 25 talented writers and performers for Vulture’s annual list “The Comedians You Should and Will Know.” Our goal is to introduce a wider audience to the talent that has the comedy community and industry buzzing. (You can read more about our methodology at the link above.) We asked the comedians on the list to answer a series of questions about their work, performing, goals for the future, and more. First up is Fumi Abe.

Tell us a story from your childhood you think explains why you ended up becoming a comedian.
Growing up in a Japanese household, no one was ever interested in what I thought about anything. Generally speaking, Japanese society/culture is not that interested in individualism. I think that’s why I was so bad at writing in high school — I didn’t really know how to think for myself because my impression was, Why would people want to know my thoughts when we can just study the thoughts of actual smart people with degrees? So, naturally, when I discovered stand-up, I was pulled in by the fact that it’s all about how you see the world, even if you’re not an accredited person. Getting into stand-up was the first time I asked myself how I honestly felt about stuff going on in my life and the world.

Sorry, this got really emo. The other answers will be funnier, I promise.

What unscripted or reality series do you think you’d excel at? What archetype do you think you’d be?
America’s Best Dance Crew. Yes, that MTV show from 2008 featuring Lil Mama pre-transphobia. I think about this show at least once a day. It was an insane show to watch in the 2000s because every season would be DOMINATED by these Asian kids who could move like Usher, all while pursuing a degree at UC Irvine. This show was Crazy Rich Asians before Crazy Rich Asians in terms of representation.

How would I excel in the show? Well, I can’t dance, but that would be my angle. While I loved this show, ABDC put an enormous amount of pressure on Asians across America at the time to learn how to do the windmill, and that’s not fair because not all Asians can spin on their heads — just the ones from the West Coast. So by being a terrible dancer on the show and getting eliminated in the first round, I would be representing all the Midwest Asians out there who grew up going to Vans Warped Tour and prefer moshing over Milly Rocking.

What’s your proudest achievement of your comedy career so far?
It would probably have to be when I got to do a set on The Late Show With Stephen Colbert in 2021. I’ve always felt that doing stand-up on a late-night talk show is one of the most “American” things ever. It’s up there with, like, jazz and making out with someone at a bonfire. So as an immigrant who’s always unsure where my place is in this country, it felt like the ultimate symbol of acceptance to be part of this long-running American tradition for entertainers.

It was also a significant moment for me because I’ve always struggled with low self-esteem, and it wasn’t until after my set aired that I was able to say to myself that maybe … within reason … I could start considering … on a good day … if it’s okay with everyone … that I might be able to do this professionally???

It’s funny — back in the day, comedians would be offered sitcom deals and opportunities to tour across America after doing Johnny Carson. But for me, my late-night appearance gave me just enough confidence to tell people at parties that I’m a “comedian” if they ask what I do for work. I’ll stop putting it in quotes once I get a Netflix special.

What have you learned about your own joke-writing process that you didn’t know when you started?
I’ve tried different methods over the years, but ultimately the truth about the writing process is that there is no such thing as an ideal time or place to write. You just have to learn how to do it in varying conditions, whether it’s in an uncomfortable seat on an airplane, in a noisy coffee shop with no Wi-Fi, or in your head when someone is telling you a boring story, etc.

Tell us everything about your worst show ever. (This can involve venue, audience, other comedians on the lineup — anything!)
I did something called the Teen Tours in L.A. recently, which is a stand-up show for high-schoolers. It’s a tough show. You can’t get through any material because 99 percent of them are talking during your set because … Why would a 15-year-old know stand-up-comedy etiquette???

The show was at a reputable club in L.A. where every night you can see someone like Tiffany Haddish, so the students were a bit disappointed that their show’s lineup consisted of nobody comedians like me. Anyway, I go up onstage, and right as I grabbed the microphone, some girl goes, “Awww, I thought Matt Rife was gonna be here!” Before I could say anything back, another kid goes, “That ain’t Matt Rife! That’s Matt Rice!” And the whole room exploded in laughter. I got roasted so hard before I could even get one joke in. I had to accept that there was nothing I could say that would be funnier than what that boy said, so I got offstage.

Let’s say we live in a “Kings of Catchphrase Comedy” alternate dimension where every single comedian is required to have a hit catchphrase. What’s yours and why?
If it’s not taken already, probably something like, “Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose.”

Nominate one comedian you don’t know personally you think is overdue for wider recognition and why you’re a fan of their work.
I always think I know everyone in comedy personally until they reintroduce themselves to me at a party and then I get sad.

There’s this guy, Luke Strickler, that I follow on Instagram. I don’t know him personally, but his videos are so chaotic/funny/mad Adobe Premiere editing skillz. I don’t know how to describe his comedy, but it’s kinda like silly–Black Mirror vibes. I hope he doesn’t get mad at that description. I really like it.

Also, everybody should check out Dylan McKeever. She cracks me up so much. She posted a sketch recently about a cooking show in the Last of Us universe where the main ingredient is mushrooms, so she has to cut them off from dead zombies. Hilar. I can’t believe she’s not writing for SNL or some show like that. They would be lucky to have her.

When it comes to your comedy opinions — about material, performing, audience, trends you want to kill/revive, the industry, etc. — what hill will you die on?
I don’t want to die on a hill thinking about stand-up comedy. I want to die in the comfort of my own home in sunny L.A. submerged in water as sea levels rise.

If you had to come onstage to just one song for the rest of your life, what song would it be and why?
“A Thousand Miles” by Vanessa Carlton. It’s an absolute banger. Plus she seems like an artist that won’t have any scandals in my lifetime.

What is the best comedy advice, and then the worst comedy advice, you’ve ever received, either when you were starting out or more recently?
Best advice: I didn’t receive this advice directly, but I heard R.J. Fried talk on a podcast once about how when you’re writing on a TV show, you shouldn’t really worry about what other people are pitching or how you can make your idea similar to the stuff that’s getting in. They hired you because they’re interested in the particular flavor you bring to the writers’ room. It’s very Zen in a “The answer was within you the whole time” way, but I try to think about this a lot in stand-up. All you need to do is just focus on better expressing what you find funny because ultimately that’s all you can do.

Worst advice: A comedian friend earlier on in my career convinced me to make business cards to hand out after shows. He said that’s what Kevin Hart did, so I bought into it (source unconfirmed). I got them made but then quickly realized I don’t have the confidence to hand out business cards with my own face on them to strangers, so I ended up throwing them away. That comedian and I are no longer friends.