Once upon a time, we had a minivan ... but I refused to drive it.

Why? Because the second I put myself behind that wheel, I felt like I no longer had a "pussy," ... instead, I had a matronly vagina.

In other words, I didn't feel like a sexy woman anymore.  

Now, look ... YOU might feel like one hot piece of ass driving around in your Honda Odyssey, but I just don’t have that kind of self-confidence. And I think few women do.   

And that's my point: Ladies, I want you to be thinking of yourselves as "sexy," on a DAILY basis. 

It’s so easy for that part of ourselves to get lost as we get older or have kids. We start to notice that our body parts have moved to places they shouldn’t be (such as the ways my 20-year-old butt differs from my 50-year-old butt).

Do you remember at the beginning of your relationship, how you and your man couldn’t keep your hands off each other? (I hope everyone went through this period. If not, let’s at least make that happen now). 

Think about what it was like getting ready for those first dates. 

Did you put on your "comfy" clothes and call it done for those first times together? Was your hair an unwashed mess? Did you fart and go months without waxing your legs? Heck no! You took time to make a great, sexy impression.  

Here’s why I know God has a sense of humor: When you were younger and newly in love, you probably could have been hairy and sweaty and your man would have still wanted to jump your bones. 

Now that we’re older, and things are no longer where God intended (aka: my boobs), that you need to pull out the push-up bra and the Spanx and work everything you’ve (still) got.   

The problem is: We stop putting energy into how we look as time goes by. 

But, now is the time we need that energy. Not just to look attractive for our man, but to keep that sexual part of ourselves alive.

Our sexuality doesn’t disappear as we get older; it simply changes and morphs. But it’s still an important part of who we are (as people and as women) and it needs attention and nurturing, just like the rest of our health.  

Have you let your sexy side disappear? Here's your checklist to see where you've 'gone to pot' AND how to get your sexy back: 

1. What pajamas are you wearing to bed?

(The answer to that should be “what pajamas?” by the way). If they’re not a little sexy, they need to go. 
 

2. What clothing do you change into at the end of the day?

Are these clothes cute or sexy?

I can hear you saying already, “but, we have children around,” or “sexy stuff just isn’t comfortable.” I get it, I have children around, too. 

I’m not asking you to wear crotchless panties as you sit around watching Spongebob. BUT, make sure your hang out clothes are actually cute and make you feel attractive, not just "comfy."
 

3. Stride past your partner with confidence.

Hold his intention when you walk by your man. You want him to be thinking: “Oh, yes. I want to tap that.”  
 

4. Throw away all your sloppy, unmatched underwear.

Make sure that, if you got in a car accident and they had to strip off your clothes at the hospital, you’d be PROUD of the panties they saw underneath.

(Yes, you can keep your 'period underwear,' ladies ... but those should only come out a few days per month). 
  

5. Get rid of old, ill-fitting, out-of-style clothes.

Throw away anything stained, ripped or just plain ugly (that probably means anything flannel).  
 

6. Every day, put on your face. 

Even if that’s just moisturizer and lip balm. It makes such a difference in how you carry yourself.  
 

7. Do NOT put your hair in a ponytail or bun every day.

Only women in their 20-year-old models can make that work. If this is the only way you wear your hair, then it’s probably time to get a haircut. 

The bottom line: You don’t need to wear an evening gown and stilettos, but take a minute and put yourself together, every day. 

This will not only give your partner (and the guy behind the meat counter at the grocery store) something enticing to look at, but YOU will feel and act differently as you go about your day.   

*Before I end, I need to take a special moment and discuss yoga pants:

I get it; they’re comfortable. But, let me say this: Spandex is a privilege, not a right. If you don’t have a butt a quarter could bounce off of, do not wear yoga pants, especially not out of the house. 

If you DO have a nice firm butt (I’ll try not to hate you), I do not want to see visible panty lines under those pants. Get yourself a damn g-string; if your butt is that cute, now it’ll be even cuter.

But, really, I ask you — Is it too much just to throw on a nice pair of jeans or something else that looks good on you? I mean, just how comfortable do you need to be?   

In the end, know your body and what looks great on it! 

After all, nothing is more sexy than a confident woman.   

Dr. Abby Medcalf is relationship mover and motivational speaker who has been helping women and men create happy, connected and fulfilled relationships for 25 years. Looking for more tips to make your life even better? Download my FREE Top Five Tools for Creating the Relationship of Your Dreams.