When he decided to get involved in the ongoing discourse on racial inequality, Canadiens prospect Jayden Struble hoped to join those who are suffering, but also to reach those who need to listen. By sending a message out on Twitter, Struble told himself he might force people to leave their comfort zone and think about a problem they might not believe is real. He hoped to educate people who are not educated enough on the issue.

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Well, Struble’s words resonated in a place he might not have necessarily been targeting.

They hit home. At home.

The defenceman, a second-round pick by the Canadiens in 2019, has an African American father he never knew. He was raised by his white mother, Tara Slack, along with his stepfather and their 10-year old twin boys.

“You come home and it’s kind of hard, not having another black person,” Struble said. “My mom, she’s so loving and she tries to sympathize with me, but they don’t really understand.”

Imagine the person you are closest with, the person who loves you most and has always ensured you are well cared for being unable to understand the daily struggle of being a black man in America because she lacks the life experience to understand it. The words, his mother admits, have always been difficult for her to find.

“Not that we were ever not supportive or provided a loving environment for him,” Slack said. “But, you know, when your child at 10 years old is called a racial slur, just playing a game that he loves, being on ice playing hockey — what do you say to that? What can you really say that’s going to make it better? You feel like there’s no word because it’s heinous, and in the moment, you can’t believe it’s happening.”

“So, while I would always tell him that I was sorry that it happened, and I would always try to find something positive like, ‘I saw your entire team come off the bench and support you when that happened’ or, ‘I saw this person really have your back and stand up for you, and that was really nice to see.’ But the reality is nothing about what happened to him growing up playing hockey was positive; like, none of the incidents, the racial incidents, were positive. And it was really hard to find words that would be comforting because there’s no place for that and it shouldn’t be happening.”

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It took the tragic death of George Floyd, the massive mobilization that is finally forcing a crisis of conscience in so many, for a mother and son to confront an issue they had never appropriately addressed.

Once the pandemic hit, Struble went to spend time at a friend’s house who had proper equipment to train. After that, he spent two weeks in quarantine in Maine in order to go home to Rhode Island. It was in Maine, sitting near the ocean, that Struble learned of the events in Minneapolis. The police brutality, the demonstrations that quickly spread across the country, and the riots.

His mother saw it as a perfect opportunity to finally have that conversation with her son, but she told him on the phone she would rather do it in person once he returned home.

Struble couldn’t wait.

On Tuesday morning, he sent this out on Twitter.

Being silent doesn’t ignite change✊🏾

— Jayden Struble (@jaydenstruble) June 2, 2020

“How do you not address what he tweeted right away?” Slack asked. “I don’t care if it was over the phone or in person, I needed to tell him immediately that what he had to say really does matter and everybody needed to hear it.”

Struble is 18, and he spent a lot of time reflecting in Maine, taking in the information on social media, opinions and news of the most recent developments.

The anger he spoke of in his message had been simmering for quite some time as he watched instances of racial injustice continue to pile. Struble remembered Colin Kaepernick and how so many were upset he would kneel during the U.S. national anthem, rather than focusing on the message he conveyed through his silent protest.

But he also thought of the game he loves, a game that is predominantly white. He remembered hearing the N-word and people telling him to stick to basketball. But he also remembered the subtle looks he still gets sometimes when he goes to play golf.

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“My experiences are not nearly as bad as a lot of black people in this country, and that’s kind of what started to connect with me and make me angry,” Struble said. “This is happening to me for no reason; but look what’s happening to all the other black people in America, to a lot of other black people out there, for no reason as well. That’s kind of where it stems from.”

When Struble was a child, his mother tried to expose him to as much cultural diversity as she could in her choice of daycare, schools and by seeking out people of colour who could serve as role models for her son. But she always knew there was a limit to what she could do.

“The bottom line is he’s my son and the love that I have for him is indescribable, but the pain that I feel for him, and have felt for him over the years when I’ve watched some of these things happen, it’s not easy to process,” Slack said. “I can empathize with him, I can feel his pain when he’s in pain, but I’ll never walk in his shoes and I’ll never 100 percent understand.”

Now, she understands a little bit more than before. But one conversation can’t settle an issue that was left largely unaddressed for 18 years.

“I sent her a huge paragraph explaining how I felt, how I saw the world, and she just got overrun with emotions,” Struble said. “I was saying how she was blind. … It’s just a very emotional thing to go through.”

The tension between the black community and police also entered their discussion.

“I have an uncle, Scott, (who) is a police officer and, yeah, he’s a great guy. I love him,” Struble said. “But, you know, a lot of black people in the black community don’t have Uncle Scott in the police force, they have uncles that are being killed by the police. Far too many black people have that. So, just thinking about it like that, and trying to put it in a different perspective, is something that’s challenging for a lot of people, but I think it’s rewarding too.”

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It is rewarding because Struble knows he has contributed to changing the way his mother sees his world.

Slack, however, has always understood the adversity her son has been forced to face over the course of his life has largely shaped the young man he has become. It just became that much more obvious when she read what he wrote on Twitter.

“I just think the events over the past couple weeks have really brought this to the forefront and made me realize that if my 18-year-old can use his voice, I really need to use mine too,” Slack said. “And a part of that is us having more open conversations about how he’s feeling and his take on what’s happening.”

Struble said he loves his uncle, but he has had trouble digesting what he’s seen from law enforcement when it comes to people of colour. In his eyes, it is not necessarily the statistics showing how disproportionately targeted they are that hurts the most. He said it’s the general pattern of behaviour, the racism so many in uniform don’t even attempt to hide anymore, even with cameras pointed at them. He said it’s the long wait that follows each incident before charges are filed — or not filed.

Struble was alone thinking about this during his quarantine, remembering all the victims who had lost their lives at the hands of police, and he was surprised he couldn’t keep all the names in order, that the incidents blended into each other. That’s how many there have been.

“So obviously, having uncles in the family in the police force, and your friends’ dads and stuff like that, you see both sides of it,” he said. “But it’s more the general racism that you see without any consequence.”

Struble hopes the events of the past two weeks will be the final straw leading to real action and progress in improving how law enforcement treats the black community.

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In the other community Struble knows well, the hockey community, dozens of NHL players have come out of their normal shells over the past week to denounce racism. Some of the messages might have seemed repetitive, but Struble does not take a cynical view — he saw it as a sign of progress.

“To be honest, I think that saying anything is a really good start,” he said. “For years and years, no one said anything. And I think part of the problem, too, is the fear of saying something that’s maybe not correct, or maybe they’re afraid of offending someone or something. But at this point, the more people that are receiving this message … I mean, it’s all done in good nature.

“I haven’t ever seen this many people standing up for it, so it’s great to see.”

On Wednesday morning, Struble and his teammates on the Northeastern University Huskies held a Zoom call and discussed what was happening in the world. Struble asked his teammates to become a vehicle for change and to focus on what to do next.

“You need to be searching for that change and searching for a better way, because if you’re just kind of sitting and waiting and, ‘OK, I posted something, now it’s done’ then nothing’s actually going to get done,” he said. “And I think a great step is just not one-offing these conversations. It’s not just a one team Zoom call and one tweet and then it’s over; you never think about it again.

“It needs to be a consistent part of how this country works. In free countries, every man is equal. Then we shouldn’t rest until every man actually is equal in this country.”

Struble, whose season came to an end Feb. 4 when he severely sprained his ankle, went home Friday and will undergo tests soon to hopefully get the green light to get back on the ice. He also saw his mother.

“I would hope that he would also feel like I’ve always been there for him and had his back,” Slack said Thursday. “But this whole thing was an enlightenment. Maybe there’s more underneath how Jayden was feeling that I’m not aware of and, if anything, it’s given us the opportunity to work on that.”

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It took the death of George Floyd, it took a massive, nationwide protest, but a mother and her son have grown a bit closer.

(Top photo courtesy Tara Slack)