Kelly.

If you were hoping to start your week on a good note, exit this post. Nothing but pain and suffering lie ahead. R. Kelly has dropped a new 19-minute song on Instagram Live called “I Admit,” which is an extended admission of a lifetime of reprehensible behavior that falls just short of incriminating himself. (Think, like, O.J.’s If I Did It.) In it, Kelly addresses his many controversies, including his pedophilia, running an alleged sex cult, and Spotify briefly removing his music from its playlists. But if you were expecting confessions — as the song’s title baits — don’t: Kelly absolves himself of any and all blame. Here are the most egregious things he has to say.

He has sex with younger women, but he’s not a pedophile.

“I admit I fuck with all the ladies, that’s both older and young ladies / But tell me how they call it pedophile because that shit is crazy”

He doesn’t know what a sex cult is …

“What’s the definition of a cult?

Whats the definition of a sex slave?

Go to the dictionary, look it up

Let me know I’ll be here waiting”

… but he’s sure he’s not running one …

“Said I’m abusing these women, what the fuck that’s some absurd shit (what?)

They’re brainwashed, really? (really)

Kidnapped, really? (really)

Can’t eat, really? (really)

Real talk, that shit sound silly (yeah)”

… but if he were, it’s the women’s parents’ fault.

“And if you really, really wanna know (know)

Her father dropped her off at my show (show)

And told this boy to put her on stage (yeah)

I admit that she was over age (age)

I admit that I was feelin’ her and I admit that she was feelin’ me (she was feelin’ me)

I admit that that’s the shit that comes with being a celebrity (celebrity)

I ain’t chasing these ladies, no (no, no)

These ladies are chasing me, yeah (chasing me)”

“I admit that this is no disrespect to the parents (no disrespect)

But this is my advice to you ‘cause I’m also a parent (parent)

Don’t push your daughter in my face, and tell me that it’s okay (my face, okay)

’Cause your agenda is to get paid, and get mad when it don’t go your way (yeah, go way)”

He’s scared of going to jail like Bill Cosby.

“You may have your opinions, entitled to your opinions (opinions)

But really am I supposed to go to jail or lose my career because of your opinion

Yeah, go ahead and stone me, point your finger at me (stone me, yeah, yeah)

Turn the world against me, but only god can mute me (against me, mute me)”

“Cancel my shows, that shit ain’t right (shows)

How they gon’ say I don’t respect these women, when all I’ve done is represent (30 years)

Take my career and turn it upside down, ‘cause you mad I’ve got some girlfriends (girlfriends)

Ain’t seen my kids in years, they tryna lock me up like Bill (in years, like Bill)”

He’s just a man, y’all.

“Look I’m just a man y’all (man y’all)

Not a monster or beast (no, no)

But I admit there are times when these girls so fine, they’ll chill with a nigga for a week (oh, for a week).”

He thinks Spotify was in the wrong.

“Spotify, took me off they playlist (playlist)

I admit that I, been underrated (rated)

I’m not convicted, not arrested, my dragged my name in the dirt (nope, oh, yeah, yeah)

All this work to be successful, when you abandon me ‘cause of what you heard (yeah, oh, yeah, heard)”

He, uh, feels misunderstood.

“I never thought it would come to this, to be the most disrespected artist (come)

So I had to write a song about this, ‘cause they always take my words and twist it (song)

Believe me it’s hard to admit all this, but I’m in my feelings about this shit (oh, oh, yeah, yeah)

But I had to set the fuckin’ record straight, so (yeah, yeah)”

The 8 Worst Lines on R. Kelly’s 19-Minute New Song ‘I Admit’