too many compromises mean this car has an identity crisis

And while the engine is gutsy enough, it is without much in the way of a sense of occasion; its lovely mid-range punch is perfect for overtaking, but when you demand maximum performance along a favourite road it doesn’t really reward you with the sort of aural thrill you might hope for.

All this would, of course, be forgivable in a normal family hatchback. But this isn’t one of those, is it? At least, not according to BMW – the Gran Coupe is something sportier. The problem is, it doesn’t quite deliver on that promise.

At least it’s comfortable, though, right? Well, yes and no; certainly, around town you’ll soon tire of the big wheels, slender tyre sidewalls and stiff suspension of this M Sport model, as they pick up on minor imperfections and coarse surfaces, as well as deflecting the body stiffly over speed bumps.

At speed this becomes less of an issue; indeed, the taut suspension makes the 2-Series feel nicely tied down and extremely stable and secure, and while there’s a bit of a clump through expansion joints, the Gran Coupe bounds over larger bumps in a supple, sophisticated way that, while not isolating them completely, ensures they aren’t uncomfortable.

The Telegraph verdict

The problem with this car is that it is neither one thing nor the other. BMW wants to sell it to you as a coupé, which would be fine if it felt special enough to qualify for that description. But it doesn’t. View it instead as a premium hatchback and it falls down on its cramped passenger space and high price.

It is perfectly competent, slick even, on the road. But it falls short of being fun, and around town it can be downright uncomfortable. It feels nice enough inside, but not so nice that it really feels like a car that’s worth the extra it costs. And yes, the boot is big, but that’ll be small comfort when you’re looking up the osteopath’s phone number after one too many complicated extrications of your progeny.

It all comes across as a bit underwhelming. I’d choose a 1-Series instead, if I wanted a BMW hatchback, or Honda Civic if I wanted something a little left-field and high-quality. Actually, I’d probably have an Octavia vRS and end up with a better all-rounder for less money.

And the best part is that choosing any of these cars wouldn’t make me feel I’d paid over the odds for a bit of marketing spiel. The Gran Coupe isn’t a bad car – just an average one that’s been saddled with a fancy name and a price to match. Don’t be taken in by the hype.