If you’re a woman and you don’t understand how men think or what they’re “about,” then you might be forgiven for thinking that all men want a nice girl to love and eventually settle down with.

Although love is as important to men as it is to women (and sometimes more so), there is something else he wants more deeply and profoundly than love.

What is it? Sex, maybe? A good answer... but wrong!

What men want more than love (and than anything else) — so much that most of them can’t even express it as a need — is respect.

Men want to be respected by others before he can even think about love. However, the man in your life may not even realize that.

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He may be totally unaware of his great need for respect because nobody ever talks about it and there is no clue in his life (most of the time) that could inform him of it.

Most men have learned from competing against other boys from school when they were small that being able to achieve their goals and gain skills in something, whether it be a sport, a difficult or dangerous activity or by being braver or wittier than others, grants them respect from others.

Only when a man is able to feel competent to the point that others respect him can he find time to think about other things such as love.

As a woman, you need to understand that treating your man without respect will never win you his heart.

So whether it be a mild joke about something he’s not good at or a criticism leveled by a wife to her husband of many years, if a woman isn't careful, the man she loves will feel that she does not respect him — and this will affect his ability to believe in her love.

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This will happen, for example, if her tone of voice indicates disrespect, as if she doesn't believes he is capable of taking care of himself without her assistance.

Of course, that doesn’t mean you have to treat him with kid gloves or never criticize him at all if he makes mistakes.

However, avoid at all costs the kind of demeanor where your body language or tone of voice are saying, “You’re incompetent.”

Attend to your tone of voice and the words you choose and give him the respect that he needs.

If you do that, he will feel that your love for him is genuine and he will open up to you. He will feel that you accept him as a man and from his point of view, that means you can accept his love. So he will give it to you!

So if you want to ensure that you and your man are valuing each other in the way you speak and behave, make sure you respect him first. He will respect you in return and that is the best foundation for a loving relationship together!

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Oliver Chapman is a Life Coach and personal development expert. He is married with one son. He works with a community of women and LGBTQ people to can help them to achieve their life goals

This article was originally published at Good Men Project. Reprinted with permission from the author.