Regardless of whether you intended for it to happen or not, you had an affair.

You're wracked with guilt and wonder, "now what?"

Should you tell your spouse or not that you cheated? Or is it true, as the old saying goes, that what people don't know can't hurt them?

In our latest Quickies video, Expert John Gray, author of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, weighs in on whether you should tell your partner you cheated on her.

According to the statistics compiled by Statistic Brain, 41% of marriages have experienced one of both partners admitting to having either a physical or emotional affair.

According to the same statistics, only 31% of those marriages actually survive once the affair has been discovered or admitted.

The key is knowing your partner, your relationship, and above all yourself.

Ask yourself these two questions, to find out whether you should tell the truth about an affair:

1. Will your relationship be ruined if you tell her the truth? 

The truth is, she is suffering. Your actions have already hurt her.

Please consider whether your relationship may already be ruined, even if she doesn't know. 

Don't lie to yourself that if she doesn't know it won't hurt her. Because the truth is, the deceit will affect her regardless.

2. Can you handle the fallout of NOT telling her that you cheated?

That will weigh heavily upon you, most likely.

Can you handle the guilt without becoming resentful toward her, through no fault of her own?

Will you always be looking over your shoulder for someone to "expose" your secret? 

Because that's no way to live — for either of you.

If you decide not to tell her about the affair, be prepared to spend the next few months making it up to her. Shower her with attention, affection and all the things she likes. Plan dates and help out around the house.

When it comes down to it, you strayed, and the least you can do it make it up to her.

John Gray is the leading relationship expert in the world. He teaches people how to open their hearts and find love again at his Soul Mate Seminars. You can find out more about Soul Mate Seminars here.

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