You’re a single gal and ready to meet a great guy.

There are many ways to meet guys, but attracting the right type of guy seems to be a bit more of a challenge. Why does it often feel like the guys who pursue you, the ones who really like you, are so unattractive and start to annoy or repulse you? 

It’s the same pattern over and over: A guy is attracted to you, and you give him a chance. Then, like every other guy who’s attracted to you, he shows his true colors and you end turned off and upset that wasting your time and energy.

While you can try to blame your "wrong man mojo" or Murphy’s Law, encountering these types makes you lose hope in finding a great guy. Believe me, I know! I used to be a magnet for guys that ended up repulsing me. By my mid 20’s I thought I would be single forever.

Eventually, I realized the only way to meet a great guy was to stop wasting my time on the not-so-great ones. To do this I had to understand why the men that were attracted to me caused me to lose interest almost immediately.

Once I understood the ‘why’ part of this equation, I learned to avoid these types of guys and stay on the trail to find Mr. Right.

Now I want to help you do the same.

Here are four reasons why we never end up liking the guys who like us. 

1. He has traits that you won’t simply don't tolerate in yourself. 

You’ve worked your tail off to feel secure and confident in who you are, and have grown into a strong and independent woman in the process.

This has been no easy task, considering we live in a world where we’re judged on our looks and made to feel inferior if we don’t look a certain way. Despite this negativity, you’ve managed to remain confident and love yourself for who you are.

So when the guy who’s after you turns out to be needy and insecure, it’s an instant turn off.

Why wouldn’t it be? You want to be with a man who is as equally confident and self-assured as you are. Furthermore, you’ve worked hard to keep your own feelings of neediness and insecurity at bay, why should you have to put up with his?

My advice? Cut ties with this guy and continue to see yourself as the kick-ass woman that you truly are. 

2. You were fooled by his façade.

Who hasn’t encountered Mr. Smooth? You know the type, he comes out of nowhere, reads you like a book, and knows all the right things to say.

Yep, he understands you, takes time to listen and has all the other qualities you want in a man. You fall head over heels, let your guard down, and welcome him into your life.

For a while things are great, and you have the relationship of your dreams. But slowly you see changes in his personality and inconsistencies in his statements and actions.

At first, you cut him some slack, see his behavior as his reaction to a bad day or a misinterpretation of the situation. But it eventually becomes clear that he is not the person you thought he was. Turns out he’s nothing more than a smooth-talking womanizer who’s been using you.

Of course, the mere thought of him repulses to you! Who wouldn't be freaked out?

But you’re just as disappointed in yourself for falling for his façade. Your feelings are normal and most women place too much of the blame on themselves and not enough on the guy that pulls this kind of stuff.

My advice? Let it go, learn from the experience, and be glad you don’t have to pretend to be someone else to get close to someone.

3. He tells others about your private life.

Your private relationship should stay private. That's how you build trust and a sense of intimacy. 

My close friend found the man of her dreams in law school. As she sat in a huge auditorium, she locked eyes with an intriguing and handsome man who eventually asked her out. He had all the qualities she had wanted in a man, and she quickly fell for him.

Within months they moved in together and settled into their relationship.

But by their last year of law school, the pressure of classes took a toll on their relationship and they stopped getting along. Unbeknownst to her, he began discussing private matters and details about their relationship with his family.

Having a close relationship with your family is one thing, but telling your family everything about your relationship is disrespectful to your partner and breaks the integrity of the relationship. 

The reason this is so repulsive is it reeks of insecurity. You can't help but wonder why he needed to get reassurance from everyone else instead of from you, and why he wasn't confident enough to deal with your issues privately.

My advice? If you've tried to resolve this privacy issue between the two of you and he keeps making your private relationship public, you have every right to walk away. 

4. He’s threatened by your self-confidence.

In my late teens, I had very little self-confidence and poor self-esteem. I didn’t feel like could handle college so I settled for working minimum wage jobs.

One day, I met a charming older man who made me laugh and feel special. Before long we started dating and he insisted that I let him help me with my bills so I could get back on my feet.

Flattered, grateful and in disbelief, I accepted his offer and saw him as my knight in shining armor.

As I grew as a person and gained more life experience, I decided to start taking college classes. I was an A student and breezed through college in no time. Getting my Associate's Degree did wonders for my self-image and confidence level.

Unfortunately, he preferred the weaker and more dependent version of me and the dynamic between us changed. Our relationship became a power struggle and he became very controlling. I ended up repulsed by the fact that he didn’t respect me for accomplishing a goal and becoming stronger as a result.

My advice? If this scenario familiar, get away from this guy and you’ll strengthen your level of confidence and find more independence and happiness.

Consider each of these points so you’ll be able to avoid his type of guy in the future. And don't feel bad if you find yourself in these patterns. It happens to the best of us, ladies!

Sooner or later we’re bound to end up repulsed by a man that finds attractive. While you have no control over who peruses or thinks you're hot stuff, remember to always put yourself first and do what you need to do to remain fabulous.

Jessica Brighton is a Minneapolis-based Life, Adversity and Reinvention Coach.